I know I have not written anything here in a long time but I felt the need to share this. I have noticed in the last few months that I decided to change how I dress at work, how I wear my hair and how I hold myself. Now do not get me wrong, I have always been appreciated at work and they have always told me what a wonderful employee I am. They are even considering hiring me full time just because of the way I interact with the staff and students. But recently I found myself wanting to be respected a an equal and I wanted to see if changing how I look would change how I am treated. All of a sudden I am looked at to help with projects, to head up activities and be the “face” for the students when we have these special events. So I took who I am and what I do on a daily basis and I kicked it up a notch by “looking the part.”
Now I have to ask, am I conforming or just doing what is natural in this situation. I do not believe I have given up one thing that is important to me so I hope that this decision is the best for me. I have noticed that I feel more self assured, more respected and I enjoy knowing that people see that I am the type of person that they want to work with.
What do you think? Do you think that I am giving in, or moving up? I am free spirited and I refuse to kiss but. This is how everybody looks at work.
Amanda
Have you ever believed in your heart that somebody was really your friend just to find out that they in fact were not? I am sure that everybody has encountered this at one time or another. Somebody had said that a certain situation that occurred would break some people and bring others closer together, this has proved true and I found out who my real friends are. I found that there are those who know my faults and do not care. Sure they may crack jokes about some of them…but they know me well enough to know that they can.
I have been treated with respect and I have treated those around me with the same respect. I feel that my path is laid before me very clearly. This has not happened too much in the past so I am going to enjoy the clear cut path that is shining with the light of the deities. I am lucky to have such good friends around me. We can talk to each other and we are able to empathize with each other. It is a wonderful feeling when you know where you belong and how to obtain your goals. For however long things stay simple I will walk that path and feel light as a feather.
I do have those around me who ask about my well being and act like a friend, however, I have found it easy to tell that they are not in fact a friend. If a person were really your friend they would keep your secrets instead of telling them to everybody they see. I have had this happen and I am going to stop it from happening by telling my husband and a few other people about those things that should not be shared. It is sad that anybody should have to find out who they can trust by hearing a secret come out of somebody elses mouth.
Mid Summer was the most wonderful, down to Earth event that I have every seen. It was very different from other festivals and that made it all ours! We had many friendly faces and we did a wonderful job. We found new talents and the atmosphere there was amazing! One person informed me that she could dance around the fire because we had events for children and she had a wonderful time! That meant a lot to me and said a lot about the event. I have to say that our kids area and carnival games were a big hit and the person who was in charge of the kids area needs a big big thank you for all of her hard work. I found that people have talents that they possibly never knew about until they worked in a section and found it. The staff was polite, the coffee shop was the bomb, and the vendors were great! My favorite time was spent with my husband and friends just watching the concert or watching the dancers and relaxing. To me, the event was spiritual, it was fulfilling and I was inspired by those around me.
The last thing I want to mention is this; my son had a spiritual event happen that I believe is really going to shape his life! He had a gentleman explain to Damian what his particular gift is and how to harness it and use it to his best ability. Being a mother, that was worth the entire weekend of work and sweat!
Growth happens every day and I feel that I have grown today. I learned some hard lessons about being in a position of authority. Whether the boss of a business or dealing with the management tasks of a volunteer group. I learned that when you are making decisions that have to do with the betterment of the group/company whatever, you cannot think of anybody as a friend. Because in this case they just happen to be your friend. I see why the BOD of another organization is so tough on their staff and their heads.
It is easier to do your job when you are detached. When you do not have that connection. It is harder to do your job when your staff is not as important to you out side of these events. Then you know them, but you are not friends with them, you do not have to worry that they will make you upset, or say something that makes you sad.
But in my case this is not what I want I’ve said that I would like to do a lot of what I did today. I want to say hello to every person and smile at them and tell them to have a great time and mean it! I can do that today but how long will that last? If we get too big how long will it be before I am riding around in a golf cart, not connecting with people? How long will it be before I get a really mean nick name? I don’t want that. I am trying like heck to make the most of the learning this festival will offer. I am happy for the experience that have planted themselves firmly in our heads because that means I will remember it from next time.
I have also learned that it does not matter how much stimulation your mind is getting when you have only had 45 minutes of sleep in the last 36 hours your body will eventually say piss off! I am so tired right now that I do not know if I will make it back to camp before I fall flat on my face. The last bit I have is that I still love what I do and why I do it. I will help make this festival something to talk about. Tomorrow the headliners will be there and I am wondering how much time I will end up spending with them. I don’t know but I will enjoy the opportunity should it arise.
Today is the last day for planning and last minute details. We seem to be prepared and we have a great team to help us! Sometimes I still think that this must be a dream. Almost 5 years ago when there were just a few of us sitting around joking and trying to figure out what we were going to do besides hang out together this was all just a dream. These are all things that we did talk about or wish to do at some point. The names are different then we expected and some of the friends we have now were not around back in the beginning.
So enough about the past. We are actually ahead in some ways and right on target in other ways. I am excited and happy to still be here to see this happen. Just in case you have not heard we are putting on a Mid Summer festival that will have carnival games, a ritual to honor men, workshops and more. Last weekend the kids had a bit of fun helping to get ready. They were given the task of painting the carnival items in whatever way they wanted. Well, as much paint went on us as went on the boards but it was great fun and since we have basically given free reign to the fairies that is to be expected.
I also want to say that if you are Pagan, Wiccan or friendly to us you will really be missing out if you cannot make it there. It is being held at Starky Park in New Port Richey. The dates are Friday the 12th, Sat the 13th and Sunday the 14th. There will be people dressed in fairy costumes or other fun attire and there will be a children’s area called Tir na nog Land of the forever young. We will have some real fun and I know that the entire weekend will be a booming success.
Now I know that we are all going to have jobs to do but I am hoping that we will also have a bit of fun too! You are all welcome the price is not bad and we are going to have 2 concerts on the same evening. The first is Elaine Silver the other is Hecates Wheel. I am looking forward to seeing both of these concerts and it will round out the evening well.
So if you would like more information please feel free to visit phoenixprojects.org
My first real friendship was with a girl name Rochelle, she was very sure of herself and a somewhat bossy friend. But her and I got along fine and we enjoyed tromping through the woods looking for new adventures. I have always been a social person so I have always had people around me. But what makes a friend a friend and not an acquaintance?
According to the merriam Websters dictionary this is the definition of friend
- before 12th century
1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem b: acquaintance2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group3: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)4: a favored companion
So the dictionary is not very helpful with its definition. So here is my definition. A friend to me is someone that you would do just about anything for. A friend is somebody that you can call at any hour of the morning with a problem and they will be there for you and of coarse you would do the same for them. A friend is a person that will laugh with you and will be happy for you when you do good. They are also the person that will tell you that the outfit you are wearing is not good for you to wear. Many times a friend is somebody that you consider to be like a sister or brother to you. I have found that people who are good friends will even fight like a brother and sister.
A friend would also be a the one that will listen to your problems and give you advice knowing that you probably will not take but they give it freely anyway. My friends are wonderful people and I care for them all. These are people that I would share good news with or information that is helpful. The very first person that you would want to call if some thing amazing happened is going to be your friend.
If I were to quote some of my own friends and my husband, a friend will also have another friends back in a fight. They would defend you and your honor. In my opinion a friend is the next best person in ones life after their significant other, unless they are one and the same.
“My friends are not what you would call typical in any way. I have a friend that likes sword fighting, archery and wearing armor. Of coarse so do I. I have many friends who use all quotes from star trek, star wars, space balls and other movies in that genre. Of coarse so do I. My husband has quite a bit of OCD he will get an idea in his head and then we will talk it into the ground. I do not do that. We love spraying each other with water, and no it does not matter what you are wearing. We like yelling loudly at our good friends after they drank too much the night before. Evidently we also like making rocks catch fire, we like making the fire go really high and some of us like throwing fireworks into the fire. If you have never seen this happen before, it is random and chaotic. The firworks just shoot out in different directions and you cannot guess the direction that it will go.
Some other things we have done, include a meeting at Dennys. In the past I have always been the person to be a joy kill or tell people to act their age. Well, during this meeting there were not that many people that showed up and we had the big meeting room to ourselves so we started throwing coasters at eachother and blowing straw covers at each other. I was laughing so hard that I could barely breath. What makes this whole experience all that more odd is, my husband who knows how to have fun was fussing at us and feared that we would get kicked out. When the waitress came in we told her that we would pick it all up. But then we just started throwing “ammo” at each other.
We also like dancing in the rain…well some of us, others like taking 2 umbrellas and cover up totally. While others of us were just standing out shooting the bow. We have also done things like cake fights and paint fights and other such things. The one thing that we try to do that is “adult” is that we clean up our messes, most of the time but we feel it is a small price to pay for the amount of playing that we do. I have a friend who loves pranks, if it is a prank she probably had a hand in it if she was not the sole person doing the planning.
I got to meet a lovely lady by the name of Lydia Crabtree, she is an author of a book about family covens. When I first thought about this I was not sure what to think. But after talking to her I learned that it makes sense to have your family be part of your coven and it gives them a chance to learn everything that we learned. I bring this up because it is part of my daily practice.
The first thing I do when I get up is to close my eyes and think about the day and what I want to accomplish. These accomplishments can be as simple as getting through school all the way out to making phone calls to make an event happen. This is some of my “me” time. I also talk to the kids and husband if they are home and tell them to have a great day and to stay happy. These simple things work many times. My husband and I also talk about the day before we go to bed.
Some of the other things that I do throughout the day include telling others about my spirituality. I will sit outside of the house facing the lake and let my mind wander I end up finding out many things about myself or my life when I do this.
I also find time every day to talk to my Gods. It is not a specific time just any time that I am awake before I go to bed. I find that the sooner in the day I get to do this the better I feel that day. I have also found, in the past, that I can focus perfectly when I am shooting a bow. I do not get to always do this but it is like a meditation to me.
I also read about druidry every day. Even if I only get to read a chapter or two I still read about it. That is part of who I am and what works for me. I know this is going to sound funny but being social and doing the things that I do for the community help me feel fulfilled. I seem to be happiest when I am up to my elbows in making the community better or working on the next project. I like doing this because I get to see the smiling faces of the people that are happy.
I have started to have pain that does not go away with my pain medication. I am starting to have really bad anxiety and it is really scary. I have never felt this bad or scared in my life. I do not like to think that this is what my life is going to become. I don’t want to do anything, including things that I love. I worry that if I help my friends do anything to physical it will cause me to hurt which will make me feel worse. I have never felt this bad, I am not a quitter but yesterday and this morning I feel like that is what I want to do is quit. I try to find reasons to keep going to keep moving. Some days the motivation just is not there. Enduring this type of pain makes me realize how some of my friends feel.
I was trying to have fun and play a little bit today and I almost started crying. It was a relatively light hit and it felt like I was hit with a pole. I am hopeful that on the first of July when my new insurance kicks in, that I will be able to talk to the doctor and get on theraputic massage for my fibromyalgia. I am also going to try and find a medication that I can take.
So how do I cope and get through the next 2 weeks? How do I learn to live with pain that changes every day? I am still hopeful for the moment. I just hope that the medication and other therapies help.
Only 4 days worth of work before we make this event live. We are very excited by everything that we accomplished today! I feel like I did not do enough physically but I was working on the plans and other little things for the event. This is when we all pull together to make this a huge success! I am proud of our little group and the things that we are doing! I hope that we can have a really awesome thank you party after this is all said and done.
We have 11 Carnival games, workshops, vendors, rituals and a beautiful park that the guests can walk through or just sit and enjoy. I have found that sometimes a festival is best enjoyed when you have a little down time. I have put a lot of energy towards this event going great. I know that all of the people that are helping to make this a reality are putting that same energy out there. We will be at Starkey Park from Friday at 9am until Sunday Morning at around 9 am.
We are welcoming the Fairies to enjoy the festivities with us and we will be frolicking with both the day time fairies and the night dwelling fairies as well. I hope that they find this event fun and entertaining. I also hope that they do not move too many items during the weekend. Mid Summers is going to have a very busy and exciting kids area where the kids can make things, play games and enjoy rituals just for them. The entire group has come together to help make this all possible. We are having a lot of fun and even if there is a bit of last minute jitters I still feel that we are doing great!
So I will see you all there. I hope to be able to meet you all and let you know how happy I am that you were able to make it. I could possibly be one of the first people that you see. The most interesting part to me is the ritual. The coven that is doing the main ritual is planning on honouring men and the masculine. I am very excited about seeing this ritual. I have seen one masculine type ritual ever and I feel that the men are not always remembered or respected and it thrills me to know that the men will have a ritual where, I as a wife, can put energy out there to support men, including my husband. Again I will see you there and we will have an excellent time!
The guardians will be on site for care and comfort and I always look forward to seeing them. Guardians are sexy!
Views from the Hobbit Hole 